The Talk Show American

THE TALK SHOW AMERICAN: 05/10/2009 - 05/17/2009

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Nancy Pelocchio

And now Boys and Girls it's time for a story called Pelocchio. Pelocchio is the House Majority Speaker who is third in line for the Presidency. One day while on her G.W. Bush witch hunt in regards to CIA harsh techniques ("hee hee hee hee, I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too" !)( Uh,oh sorry...wrong story) it was pointed out that she had been briefed about these techniques and did not object.

Pelocchio said of the accusation:

"In that or any other briefing . . . we were not, and I repeat, were not told that water boarding or any of these other enhanced interrogation techniques were used. What they did tell us is that they had some legislative counsel... opinions that they could be used, but not that they would."

But then the evil Fox News reported on some recently released memos that contradicted Pelocchio's account:

"House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was thoroughly briefed in September 2002 that terrorist Abu Zubaydah was being water boarded by CIA interrogators, according to a report prepared by the Director of National Intelligence's office and obtained by Fox News and other agencies... . The new revelations completely contradict Pelosi's repeated assertions that she knew nothing about 'harsh interrogation' measures being carried out on enemy combatants."

Then suddenly Pelocchio remembered that it was her aide that was briefed back in 2005, but not her (as if this would exonerate her in the "I didn't know" scandal).

Then an unlikely hero by the name of Leon Panetta emerged from the darkness to set the record straight:

CIA Director Leon Panetta challenged House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's accusations that the agency lied to her, writing a memo to his agents saying she received nothing but the truth...

Panetta, President Obama's pick to run the clandestine agency and President Clinton's former chief of staff, wrote in a memo to CIA employees Friday that "CIA officers briefed truthfully on the interrogation of Abu Zubaydah, describing 'the enhanced techniques that had been employed,'" according to CIA records.

"We are an agency of high integrity, professionalism and dedication," Panetta said in the memo. "Our task is to tell it like it is - even if that's not what people always want to hear. Keep it up. Our national security depends on it."

And so, the evil Pelocchio was exposed for the liar she is and she resigned and we lived happily ever after.

Okay..Okay, so the last line didn't happen, but we can all dream can't we.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jihad 101: Coming to a School Near You

A ninth grade history class at a high school in Pueblo,CO. was supposed to teach students about terrorism, but instead the students were instructed to come up with a terrorist attack plot.

That's right folks, your kids may not be able to read, write, spell, add,subtract,multiply or divide, but little Johnny or Janey will be able to come up with a Jihadist plot in two minutes flat.

According to Gini Fischer, her daughter came home Thursday saying she had two minutes to come up with a plot for an act of terrorism.

110 freshmen at Pueblo County High School were given the assignment.

District 70 Superintendent Dr. Dan Lere said that students may have misinterpreted the assignment.

"If a student actually did illustrate an act of terrorism that they might commit, let's say against the school, we've expelled students for that."

(No sh*t Dick Tracy.)

So sure was the school that students misunderstood the assignment that they decided to collect the assignments and destroy them. To protect the students, of course(sac),right?

Or was it done to destroy the evidence of the actual assignment given to the students, therefore no one would be able to challenge the schools version of the events.

Either way folks, school is no longer about teaching the 3 R's (reading,riting,rithmetic) its about putting condoms on Bananas, teaching kids to go green(don't be like those mean conservatives), and how to hate George Bush. And now they have added Jihad 101 to the curriculum.